30 November 1814 – Wednesday – to Fanny Knight

23 Hans Place, Wednesday Nov: 30

I am very much obliged to you my dear Fanny for your letter, & I hope you will write again soon that I may know You to be all safe & happy at home.– Our visit to Hendon will interest you I am sure, but I need not enter into the particulars of it, as your Papa will be able to answer almost every question.  I certainly could describe her bed-room, & her Drawers & her Closet better than he can, but I do not feel that I can stop to do it.– I was rather sorry to hear that she is to have an Instrument; it seems throwing money away.  They will wish the 24 Gs. in the shape of Sheets & Towels six months hence;– and as to her playing, it never can be anything.–

Her purple Pelisse rather surprised me.– I thought we had known all Paraphernalia of that sort.  I do not mean to blame her, it looked very well & I dare say she wanted it.  I suspect nothing worse than its’ being got in secret, & not owned to anybody.– She is capable of that you know.  I received a very kind note from her yesterday, to ask me to come again & stay a night with them; I cannot do it, but I was pleased to find that she had the power of doing so right a thing.  My going was to give them both Pleasure very properly.–

I just saw Mr Hayter at the Play, & think his face would please me on acquaintance.  I was sorry he did not dine here.– It seemed rather odd to me to be in the Theatre, with nobody to watch for.  I was quite composed myself, at leisure for all the agitation Isabella could raise.

Now my dearest Fanny, I will begin a subject which comes in very naturally.– You frighten me out of my Wits by your reference.  Your affection gives me the highest pleasure, but indeed you must not let anything depend on my opinion.  Your own feelings & none but your own, should determine such an important point.– So far however as answering your question, I have no scruple.– I am perfectly convinced that your present feelings, supposing you were to marry now, would be sufficient for his happiness;– but when I think how very, very far it is from a Now, & take everything that may be, into consideration, I dare not say, “determine to accept him.”  The risk is too great for you, unless your own Sentiments prompt it.– You will think me perverse perhaps; in my last letter I was urging everything in his favour, & now I am inclining the other way; but I cannot help it; I am at present more impressed with the possible Evil that may arise to You from engaging yourself to him–in word or mind–than with anything else.– When I consider how few young Men you have yet seen much of– how capable you are (yes, I do still think you very capable) of being really in love — and how full of temptation the next 6 or 7 years of your Life will probably be– (it is the very period of Life for the strongest attachments to be formed)– I cannot wish you with your present very cool feelings to devote yourself in honour to him.  It is very true that you never may attach another Man, his equal altogether, but if that other Man has the power of attaching you more, he will be in your eyes the most perfect.– I shall be glad if you can revive past feelings, & from your unbiassed self resolve to go on as you have done, but this I do not expect, and without it I cannot wish you to be fettered.  I should not be afraid of your marrying him;– with all his Worth, you would soon love him enough for the happiness of both; but I should dread the continuance of this sort of tacit engagement, with such an uncertainty as there is, of when it may be completed.– Years may pass, before he is Independant.– You like him well enough to marry, but not well enough to wait.– The unpleasantness of appearing fickle is certainly great– but if you think you want Punishment for past Illusions, there it is — and nothing can be compared to the misery of being bound without Love, bound to one, & preferring another.  That is a Punishment which you do not deserve.– I know you did not meet– or rather will not meet to day– as he called here yesterday– & I am glad of it.– It does not seem very likely at least that he shd be in time for a Dinner visit 60 m[iles] off.  We did not see him, only found his card when we came home at 4.– Your Uncle H. merely observed that he was a day after the Fair.– He asked your Brother on Monday (when Mr Hayter was talked of) why he did not invite him too?– saying, “I know he is in Town, for I met him the other day in Bond St–”  Edward answered that he did not know where he was to be found.– “Don’t  you know his Chambers?–”  “No.”–

I shall be most glad to hear from you again my dearest Fanny, but it must not be later than Saturday, as we shall be off on Monday long before the Letters are delivered– and write something that may do to be read or told.  I am to take the Miss Moores back on Saturday, & when I return I shall hope to find your pleasant, little, flowing Scrawl on the Table.– It will be a releif to me after playing at Ma’ams– for tho’ I like Miss H.M. as much as one can at my time of Life after a day’s acquaintance, it is uphill work to be talking to those whom one knows so little.– Only one comes back with me tomorrow, probably Miss Eliza, & I rather dread it.  We shall not have two Ideas in common.  She is young, pretty, chattering, & thinking cheifly (I presume) of Dress, Company, & Admiration.–

Mr Sanford is to join us at dinner, which will be a comfort, and in the eveng while your Uncle & Miss Eliza play chess, he shall tell me comical things & I will laugh at them, which will be a pleasure to both.– I called in Keppel Street & saw them all, including dear Uncle Charles, who is to come & dine with us quietly to day.– Little Harriot sat in my lap– & seemed as gentle & affectionate as ever, & as pretty, except not being quite well.  Fanny is a fine stout girl, talking incessantly, with an interesting degree of Lisp and Indistinctness– and very likely may be the handsomest in time.– That puss Cassy, did not shew more pleasure in seeing me than her Sisters, but I expected no better;– she does not shine in the tender feelings.  She will never be a Miss O’neal;– more in the Mrs Siddons line.–

Thank you– but it is not settled yet whether I do hazard a 2d Edition.  We are to see Egerton today, when it will probably be determined.– People are more ready to borrow & praise, than to buy– which I cannot wonder at;– but tho’ I like praise as well as anybody, I like what Edward calls Pewter too.– I hope he continues careful of his Eyes & find the good effect of it.   I cannot suppose we differ in our ideas of the Christian Religion.  You have given an excellent description of it.  We only affix a different meaning to the Word Evangelical.—

Yours most affecly
J. Austen

Miss Gibson is very glad to go with us.

Miss Knight
Godmersham Park
Faversham
Kent